Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Entertaining Gravestone Epitaphs

Everyone has been to a graveyard at least once in their life. If you happened to walk around and look at a few of the gravestones you probably noticed that most had just the names and dates of the dearly departed. Every once in a while however, you may find one that is actually kind of funny, or one that is kind of spooky. In honor of the holiday season, I compiled a few spooky, but mostly funny gravestone epitaphs. Enjoy!

Effie Jean Robinson
Come blooming youths, as you pass by,
And on these lines do cast an eye.
As you are now, so once was I;
As I am now, so must you be;
Prepare for death and follow me.

Here lays Butch.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.
We made the mistake, But the joke's on him.

In memory of Anna Hopewell
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer.
And that is Strange.
Jedediah Goodwin
Born 1828

Here lies
Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.

Here lies the body
of John Round.
Lost at sea
and never found.

Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
December 8, 1767

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna;
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the devil sent him Anna.

Here lies
Ezekiel Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.

Here lies Pa.
Pa liked wimin.
Ma caught Pa in with two swimmin.
Here lies Pa.

(On a Hypochondriac’s grave)
See. I told you
I was SICK!

Blown upward
out of sight:
He sought the leak
by candlelight

And now for some famous ones:

Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare,
To digg the dust encloased heare!
Blest be the man that spares thes stones,
And curst be he that moves my bones.
-William Shakespeare

"That's All Folks!"
-Mel Blanc

At Rest
An American Soldier
And Defender of the Constitution
-Jefferson Davis

“So we beat on, boats against the current,
borne back ceaselessly
into the past”
-Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

Here was buried Thomas Jefferson,
author of the Declaration of American Independence,
of the statute of Virginia for religious freedom,
and father of the University of Virginia.
-Thomas Jefferson (notice he left the part about him being president out?)

"He could have given us a few more laughs, but noooooo."
-John Belushi

"Gee, he was here a moment ago."
-George Carlin (written by himself)

"There goes the neighborhood."
-Rodney Dangerfield (written by himself)

Now he belongs to the ages.
-Abraham Lincoln (by Edwin Stanton)

-Kurt Vonnegut (written by himself)

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